Sunday, February 28, 2010

long time went fast

It feels like a long time since I posted, but it went by so fast. I have been feeling busy since I started my new job. (honestly, I thought the new job would stress me out and make me gain weight, but I am actually the same size... 129.) I got alot on my mind and once agian, I got consumed by my life and what was going on around me, and I forgot about my one true personal goal I have set for myself... The only thing I know for sure in this life I truely desire...   To be thin again. well, now that I have adapted to this job and current situation, I am ready to take on one of the hardest tasks, self control. over food, over taking care of my body with extersize.  I keep telling myself in the back of my head, just do it... every day, just get up and workout. its just an hour. then I do it maybe once or twice a week and think, well its better then nothing. but, then I realize, it's only just getting me by and maintaining everything I am right now. I'm not saying I hate myself. Frankly, I could be alot worse off then I am now. I always tell myself, "I could be living on the streets, and have no legs."
I haven't had internet or tv at my apt for a bit now, (lent my conection to the sis) and I honestly felt a bit disconnected to everyone.  Sometimes it actually felt good.  but having blogs and reading stories of everyone out there who is just as frustrated as me, helps me stay strong and get through the hard times.